I am trying to understand the things pertaining to God so that I can get as close to Him as is humanly possible. Not by reasoning, though, but by contemplation.
This distinction between reasoning and contemplation is very important because I have tried using reason to connect the dots of faith. At one point in time, things made a lot of sense, and then at another point everything became confusing and seemed to contradict. Contemplation is like a gentle breeze or a soft flowing stream; this is the product of a still mind. Reasoning is like hacking down trees in a forest with noisy power tools; this is the product of a restless, agitated mind.
The very first thing I understood is that God must be praised, always and everytime, simply for being God. Non-negotiable. Regardless of the circumstance. It's not a luxury, but a necessity; the very air I breathe. My praise must be like a never-ending song that just keeps playing on no matter what is happening within or around me. Anything can be the medium of praise, but I must always keep in mind that God is God and that that alone is praiseworthy. Contemplation makes this must really easy that it becomes a joy and less an obligation.
DIGNUM ET IUSTUM EST has become a way for me to never forget. These simple words meaning, IT IS RIGHT AND JUST, are incredible because I have been saying them all my life during the Eucharistic Celebration without realising their importance.The day I realised what it was I was saying, I knew they have to follow me for the rest of my life; they fit so well with the lesson of unending praise that I hope they even get inscribed on my tomb.
Priest: Let us give thanks to the Lord, our God.
People: It is right and just.
Priest: It is truly right and just, our duty and our salvation, always and everywhere to give you thanks, Lord, Holy Father, Almighty and Eternal God.
His justice and righteousness leads us to the extent He will go for longing love of man - to the Cross. And this eqaually sparks a corresponding response in me also - to the Cross.
Soul at Crossroad was inspired by a portion of the text of the eleventh station from Josemaria Escriva's The way of the Cross, … gladly do I nail myself to Your Cross, ready to be in the crossroads of this world, a soul dedicated to You, to Your glory, to the work of Redemption, the co-redemption of the whole human race. For a journey to have a beginning means that it must have an end. It also means that there must be a link between the beginning and the end. Therefore, the Soul at Crossroad is a Soul ready to live in a way which doesn't conform with the world and dedicated to God's glory, and is one with the idea that the WAY from the beginning to the end of the journey to God is by walking the Way of the Cross. The road of the Cross. Cross' road. Crossroad.
It must be clear that this Soul is not one at a T-junction (note: not Crossroads!) deciding which path to follow, but one who has decided on the road called T. While my will is all aboard, the specifics of the Crossroad haven't been ironed out yet. There are many journies to the journey of the journey to God, and all I have to do is keep making sure my eyes are always fixed upward; the limbs will surely follow without the need to engage the mind.
Everything I write is more for me than for anybody else. It's like what a student does after a classroom session; pour out what you have learned so as to be sure you've really listening. As I write, I refine and consolidate my thoughts. As I write, I learn more about myself because events of long ago and near-present interconnect, become clear and also become lessons to understand the things of God. It is interesting to me that I started out by telling God, "I want to know you", and that knowledge of God comes bundled with self-knowledge. It is quite scary but exhilarating at the same time. More scary because some self-knowledge take too long to come to terms with but there is no hiding with God; you have to get used to being naked.
My secondary aim is to get you to think about your own journey. Do you have one? Do you want one? Do you not want one? Are you skeptical, unconcerned or indifferent? Do you hate the whole idea? Even though there have been many events leading up to these present moments in my life, I can say categorically that it is the words of Jesus in I Thirst for YOU that created a spark of hope in me; that maybe there could be a way for me to also experience God as the Saints claim to. There has to be some starting point. And the words, "You don't need to change to believe in my love, for it will be your believe in my love that will change you.", turned out to be my starting point.
To change is hard, and is what continually fills me with dread and discouragement; trying and failing leads to me despair and desolation. But when I don't need to worry about that, when it seems I don't have to do anything but turn my face to God and ask Him to tell me about this love He has for me, then what do I have to lose? The failure is not going to be from my side. Its like He dares me to dare Him, and that is something I cannot resist. I dared Him to make these words come true. It seems like God also loves to be dared. Not tested, but dared.
Some stories, I cringe, when I put up. Some things I don't realise until I start writing, and I get shocked. This is the precise reason I think I need to write. The earth did not come into being until God spoke the words. What I believe will not be come alive until it comes out from head and get translated to words. I don't feel you have to agree with me nor must you feel you have to agree with me; just reflect on God.
Far from being well-ordered and error-free, I can cheerfully tell you that my life is a mess, and might remain so for a long time, but the joy that comes from praising God for no particular reason and having a certain destination which transcends all that I can ever achieve in this life is most gratifying. 'Tis uplifting. Truly, faith does not come by reasoning but by contemplation.